I want to have your abortion
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Actions speak louder than pants.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
