Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
