Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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