i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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