I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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