I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
