Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(907): View more from Alaska

Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.

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(907): Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea. http://tfl.nu/ohgs

Replies (22) Good night (4439) Bad night (778)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.

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(662): "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again. http://tfl.nu/9nn9

Replies (25) Good night (1312) Bad night (6748)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"

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(586): Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate" http://tfl.nu/hjnw

Replies (6) Good night (1140) Bad night (3608)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.

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(815): I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time. http://tfl.nu/qrqx

Replies (7) Good night (2445) Bad night (843)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.

(850): View more from Florida

This has already gotten way out of hand

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(336): Two words. Shotgunning Cognac. (850): This has already gotten way out of hand http://tfl.nu/ow6e

Replies (4) Good night (1388) Bad night (667)
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(818): View more from California

Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place

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(818): Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place http://tfl.nu/xlhx

Replies (60) Good night (16523) Bad night (1142)
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(386): View more from Florida

I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok

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(386): I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok http://tfl.nu/xajl

Replies (4) Good night (1283) Bad night (1198)
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(914): View more from New York

He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?

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(914): He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit? http://tfl.nu/zvq6

Replies (9) Good night (2705) Bad night (685)
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(310): View more from California

I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.

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(310): I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies. http://tfl.nu/ehsm

Replies (3) Good night (1266) Bad night (752)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year

(604): View more from British Columbia

wow. THAT good huh

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(778): he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year (604): wow. THAT good huh http://tfl.nu/7t5m

Replies (16) Good night (1938) Bad night (530)
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(512): View more from Texas

I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?

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(512): I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day? http://tfl.nu/bpfn

Replies (4) Good night (982) Bad night (362)
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(636): View more from Missouri

She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.

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(636): She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet. http://tfl.nu/ogh1

Replies (5) Good night (1063) Bad night (362)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm about to be a big disappointment.

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(405): Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake. (405): I'm about to be a big disappointment. http://tfl.nu/y7r2

Replies (2) Good night (741) Bad night (364)
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(906): View more from Michigan

A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.

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(906): A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious. http://tfl.nu/r6bp

Replies (4) Good night (972) Bad night (297)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.

(575): View more from New Mexico

Where else would I get life advice?

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(704): Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right. (575): Where else would I get life advice? http://tfl.nu/mfwy

Replies (0) Good night (399) Bad night (141)

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