i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌