Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions