I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.