Don't make out with my wife yet
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros