He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
