And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just had sex on a roof
my liver is dry heaving
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
