the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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