time to smoke my breakfast
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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