Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
