SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
