That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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