Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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