I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize