So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
