don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
