I met the friendliest cop last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
