I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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