when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
