i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize