i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Are we still banned from the library?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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