THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize