Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
