Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
its liver damage thursday
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
