First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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