just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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