Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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