The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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