Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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