i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
