You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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