I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
