My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
