...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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