I heard we made out
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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