i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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