Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
