the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
