This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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