new low.... made out with someone while peeing
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
