had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
