Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
