Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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