I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"