Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.