Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.