How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high