In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.