You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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