Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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