the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
