me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
