Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
