I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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