can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
