you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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