I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
