Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
