I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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