DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
