he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
