I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
