I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
